The California Courts’ ‘Britney Standard’

Britney SpearsUngh!  (Neanderthal grunt),

When I wrote my first post for Lyrster a mere two months back, I implored the likes of Britney, Rihanna and Gaga not to let me down and to do something bonkers; to give me something wild and woolly to write about.  Rihanna and Gaga did not disappoint but Britney was a Poopin’ Pollyanna.  A 50′s song, ‘Cindy, oh Cindy’ comes to mind, slightly modified:–

 

Britney, oh Britney,

Britney don’t let me down;

Do something whacko soon,

But don’t be meltin’ down!

 

Well, the girl’s in the news.  Today’s breaking news is about religious fundamentalism coming to America (with an assist from Rick Santorum), courtesy of Britney – and the poor girl hasn’t even done anything!  These wimminfolk can’t be trusted to mind themselves and must be under control and dominion of daddy or husband, eh? . . . preferably *both*!  So the girl’s father and fiance have decided to ask the California courts (psst! it’s said that it’s a done deal) that Britney be placed under their joint custody and stewardship.

Hmm . . . perhaps that’s not such a bad idea after all.  Don’t you think that placing Gaga, Rihanna and other out-of-control females under male control would be a good idea?  That it would have salutary effects on society as a whole?  Perhaps Britney’s papa, lover-boy, and the California courts are on the right track after all!

Let’s compare and contrast with two other newsworthy music-biz females.  Just *look* at what that shameless wench Nicki Minaj was wearing at her weekend Times Square show – legs all exposed like that – tsk, tsk.  If she were under control of a thou-shalt-obey type of husband, you don’t think she’d be getting away with that kind of (over-)exposure, do you?  And as for Fiona Apple; that bad girl’s just announced that she’ll be travelling across the length and breadth of America, from New York to Hollywood, for a month-and-a-half – all by herself!  No papa!  No chaperone!  Can we allow this to happen or will the California Courts’ ‘Britney Standard’ be upheld?

Come on California Courts, do your thing!  Put these wild women under control of their menfolk!

Fundamentalistically Yours,

Shane

This is Shane at Lyrster calling all Music Fans!

New blogHey y’all!

This is Shane Kendall calling in from the wildest, woolliest port city in the world.  Welcome to Lyrster.com – and remember to bookmark us!  Here at Lyrster we’re your one-stop music news and goss shop.  No matter what you like, we’ve got something for you.

Well, all’s quiet on the Britney front . . . but if a wheel comes off Britney’s wagon again, we’ll cover it for you.  (We know that you’re secretly waitin’ for Britney’s wagon to lose a wheel – ’fess up, yer prayin’ for it, ain’t ya?)

And if Lady Gaga says any more ‘gaga’ things about sexuality and riles someone or the other, we’ll give you our two cents worth.  And if she decides to promote herself to ‘Dame Kooky’, we’ll tell you!

Britney and Gaga not your style?  You want the real deals?

Well then, when BMG RCA release their umpteenth outtake/breakdown/false-start of an Elvis session in special collector’s packaging, we’ll inform you.  (We won’t tell you when some looky-loo spots The King on The Strip in Vegas – that happens every night!)

I also got one Gabriel (yup, that one) as my confidant; he’s promised to tell me if Frank, Sammy, and Dean get politically incorrect and cut loose in that Cabin in the Sky, just like they used to at the Villa Venice in their glory years when they were with us.

You one of dem lounge lizards?  Baby, ain’t I got you covered—

Awright, so when Polydor releases the millionth album recorded by that evergreen German music-machine, James Last (‘Hansie’), Lyrster will be on hand to tell you about it.  In the meantime check out his thrilling version of Around the World and see what you think.

Talk about Around the World, one Anunzio Paolo Mantovani recorded a concert hall version (which you may want to compare with Hansie’s version).  If Monty’s family relents and decides to release a few arrangements scored for a thousand strings plus a variety of woodwinds, bells, even vibraphone and whatnot, we’ll announce it.

Tell us what you like – is it Bossa Nova from Brazil or Rachmaninov from Russia?  We’ll try to cater to every taste!

Till then,

Shane