‘Replay’ that ‘Golden Oldie’!

Hiya Kids!

You’re probably in your teens or twenties, to be visiting lyrster.com.  By the time you’re done reading today’s post, you’ll wish you were in your . . . seventies!

A common thread has run through three of my posts over the past week.  Call it the ‘golden thread’; ‘golden’ as in ‘golden years’.  Let’s recap.

Tom ‘The Voice’ Jones, all of 70-plus, has launched a music talent show in conjunction with the BBC.  With his transatlantic star power (TJ was a really big Vegas act), it’s quite possible that Jones’s talent show could rival ‘American Idol’ and the like.  Tom has also gone and tweaked Simon Cowell’s nose in the bargain.

His peer, Engelbert Humperdinck, has been selected (BBC involved here too!) to represent the United Kingdom at the Eurovision Song Contest.  Instead of heading to a nursing home at age 75, he’ll be headed to Baku, Azerbaijan for Eurovision.  Engelbert, get there and win it pronto!  Or should I say “win it ‘quando, quando, quando’?”

Russia has hopped on the old folks bandwagon – the country’s got a bunch of grannies representing it at Eurovision!  The singing ‘Buranovo Grannies’, hailing from a remote Russian province, comprise of honest-to-goodness grandmothers with an average age of 75!

As reported earlier, those geriatric Rolling Stones have just published a glitzy picture book to commemorate their one-hundredth year in the Music Biz.  (OK, a slight exaggeration there.)  Not to be outdone, Sir Cliff Richard (who still holds a few British music records) has published a calendar showing himself off in his ‘Studly Seventies’.  The calendar turned into a monster seller in Australia and New Zealand.  I’m sure it posted good numbers in the British Isles as well.

(Though Cliff reinvented himself early in his career as an Easy Listening type quasi-crooner, courtesy of mentor Norrie Paramor, initially he was a true blue rocker who laid down some superb rock ‘n’ roll tracks that still stand up well.  His rock ‘n’ roll numbers are so little known now that even EMI missed a trick or two when it put out its “The Rock ‘n’ Roll Years” box set a decade back.)

And what do we have now?  Well, five of Billboard’s Top 40 music-biz earners of 2010 are senior citizens!  Take a bow, Elton John, at no. 33 with $7.2 million raked in.  Ahead of him is Cher at no. 22 with $9.6 million.  Breaking into eight figures with $10.2 million is Eric Clapton at no. 20.  Clapton’s late friend George Harrison’s bandmate Paul McCartney is at no. 10, taking in $14.2 million.  And Eagles are the senior citizen champs at no. 8, having pulled in $18.3 million.  Most of them have netted a significant amount at live shows.  Though most of the others are young ‘uns, keep in mind that these five golden oldies have beaten out many popular singers and bands less than half their age!

Man, as someone on the fringes of the Music Biz I can’t wait until I get into my 70s!  Then I’ll get a talent show of my own, get to release lush picture books and calendars, rake in the money on tours, and get to sing at Eurovision.  ‘Geriatry’, here I come!

Yours Agefully,

Shane

Tom Jones vs. Simon Cowell

Howdy Folks,

Well, well, well, what do we have here?  Simon Cowell is known to be pretty blunt-spoken and often insulting.  Now it looks like he’s got a dose of his own medicine, courtesy of ‘The Voice’; that Welshman who made the gals go nuts when he sang ‘She’s a Lady’, ‘Just Help Yourself’, ‘Thunderball’, and – of course – ‘Delilah’.  Tom Jones, who has launched a talent discovery show of his own, dissed X Factor’s judges.  Let’s see what he said: X Factor judges “don’t have the experience” and “wouldn’t be able to sing a note,” and he “got fed up” because of the “questionable” judging.  Hmm, naughty, naughty.  Cowell is said to have been shaken up by the attack and has made a half-hearted counter-attack.  Tom’s leading on points in this music biz spat!

A once-troubled teen will pen an autobiography about the travails and tribulations she went through until she had a baby.  She’ll cover drug abuse and addiction to the extent of trying to take her own life.  This tale of a dark saga of hopelessness that somehow finds a ray of hope is set for publication in September.  And how does it related to lyrster’s music news blog?  Meet, Pattie Mallette, the mommy of none other than teen-bopper Justin Bieber!  I do suspect that a whole lot of starry-eyed sweet sixteens will be queueing up to buy the book and get it signed by what they hope will be their . . . prospective mother-in-law!

An update re the Billboard charts from what we reported last time around: Would you believe Whitney Houston still has three albums in the Top Ten?  Believe it!  After a long time staying strong and getting stronger, Kelly Clarkson’s hit ‘Stronger’ has finally got a wee bit weaker, dropping one position to no. 3.  As for Adele’s ’21′, it’s still at no. 1 for a 23rd straight week and looks on course to match a record for 24 weeks at no. 1 – that was set more than 25 years back!

Alicia Keys, is it final then?  So you’ve become a society dame— mugging with diamonds, doing glam shoots and schmoozing with Sir Paul?  Er, didn’t there use to be something called ‘singing’ in your life once?  Decisions, decisions . . .

Take it easy,

Shane